For a lot of people , there is ONE person in our lives who really grinds our gears. Maybe it’s someone who is constantly trying to squash our dreams with negative talk. Or someone who is controlling. Or someone who disrespects us in one way or another.
The usual prescription is to just toss that person out of your life until they get it together. But sometimes that isn’t immediately possible AND it doesn’t erase the pain.
Well guess what? There’s a relatively basic way to neutralize the effects of this toxic person in your life, whether you choose to stay or leave. It’s a three step process:
1) identify exactly what it is that pisses you off about this person that takes you from 0 to boiling hot in 5 seconds. Why do you let him or her get to you? Why does his or her opinion of you matter so much? Are you feeling guilty about something and that person keeps bringing it up? If you have asked for forgiveness and released the wrong, it’s over on your end. Why do you care what anybody thinks about you if you have full confidence in yourself as a person ?
2) -possibly the hardest step- Put yourself into that other person’s shoes. Why does she do what she does or says what she says? If she’s a gossip, maybe that’s because she is unhappy with her own life and needs to make other people feel bad as well (misery loves company). If he talks to you disrespectfully it may be that he’s angry at something that happened in his life, such as being disrespected himself in the past, and now has decided to try to make you feel the way he felt.
That doesn’t make what he or she is doing right, but when you take a step back to understand a person their words and actions take on a different meaning. Instead of being pissed at them you’ll almost feel sorry for them.
3) Do not react to that person anymore. The final step is to take a proactive rather than reactive stance with this person from now on. Instead of sitting around waiting for their next act of disrespect so that you can react with tears or anger, you can do one of the following two things:
– calmly talk to the person about what they do that irks your nerves. (but ONLY if you can do so without becoming reactive and angry). You may be surprised at how he or she opens up for a calm conversation. And don’t forget to LISTEN to the other person’s concerns as well. Respect his or her concerns even if you disagree with them.
or
– leave that person’s presence (for as much as possible if not completely) while simultaneously leaving them to God. This means that you fully forgive and release them until they get their act together. You can do that now because you understand why they do what they do. This is what you have to do if the person is beyond reason at the moment.
Take time to think rationally about that one person in your life who pisses you off. You may find that you learn something about yourself as well, like what causes your hair triggers and why (maybe childhood stuff).
Open yourself up to THE SOLUTION.
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J. Gail is a writer, blogger and the author of urban-themed African American fiction books. She’s currently working on her first movie script, which is loosely based on her book So Smart Ya Stupid. Follow her on Twitter at @Author_JGail
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