Do you have someone in your life that you’re constantly bumping heads with?
Someone who you want to help, but who shuts you out and simply doesn’t wanna hear it?
Someone who is so stubborn that no one even wants to deal with them?
You want to know the quickest and most effective way to get through to someone who won’t listen to you, show respect to you or accept your help?
Demonstrate that you UNDERSTAND what they’re going through or what they’ve BEEN through in life.
It’s so simple it’s a little scary, but it’s true.
The reason why some people will close up and don’t want to hear anything that you have to say is they think you don’t really understand or care what they’re going through. So they will fight you at every opportunity when you try to butt in.
Too often we focus on the mess of a person we see right in front of us instead of seeking to understand what CAUSED the mess.
1) Think about the person’s life. What struggles and challenges did they have to go through? What events may have occurred in the person’s life to make them angry, stubborn, mean or “messy?”
2) Sit down with the person and tell her that you’re there for her. Tell her that you want to take some time to hear her out. Let her tell her story if she’s willing to open up to you.
3) LISTEN. Don’t interject, even if the story involves something you did wrong. Don’t fight her on her feelings.
4) Tell the person that you’re so sorry that she had to go through all of that, and give her a big hug.
After that calm encounter it will become easier and easier to break down those walls around the person and start to communicate more effectively. You might find that he or she will start to understand YOU more, respect your opinion, listen to you and maybe even heed your advice in the future.
Only if You’re Sincere
This process doesn’t work if you’re insincere. If you cannot sincerely relate to what another person has been through, you should probably just leave him or her alone until you do.
I’m not a professional therapist, but this has worked for me on several occasions. Compassion and understanding are KEY to successful, healthy relationships.
J. Gail is a writer, blogger and the author of urban-themed African American fiction books. She’s currently working on her first movie script, which is loosely based on her book So Smart Ya Stupid. Follow her on Twitter at @Author_JGail